April 24th, 2005

Current Music: iron & wine- lion's mane Time: 01:50 pm

i thought that aching in the pit of my stomache was from not knowing what you were thinking. The unknown. Now I know. And i said i understood. I even agreed. You said what I was thinking but didn't want to say. and it's still there. That ache. damnit.

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April 21st, 2005

Current Music: elvis costello Time: 10:38 am

I am learning the value of good friends. My friends here are amazing people. Not just amazing friends. Though they are amazing friends also. I've found my fit here. Last night i was bummed because of this stupid game boys play with me and the rest of the female species. Its so silly. attn: stop being confusing. Try clarity. Or at least an explanation. Bethany invited me over bc of this bumming and me and her and inva decided it would be a good idea to make nutella sandwiches and eat them outside. This was at 1 in the morning. So we did just that. Inva brought her laptop so we sat in the middle of campus eating our nutella sandwiches and dancing to music. It was lovely.

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March 18th, 2005

Current Music: speed trials- Elliot Smith Time: 01:21 am Current Mood: pensive

I feel so old. I'm looking at..apartments? Me, Bethany, Zach and patrick are considering getting an apartment next year. It's exciting and scary and very iffy. Today I met bethany and zach with plans to go into the city before art history. Zach saw a great apartment that we decided to go back to check out. It is an loft like place. it is amazing. Hardwood floors, high ceilings, spacious rooms and big bright windows. Right near school. We don't want to get our hopes up on the first one we see. Me and bethany are having major second thoughts on the whole thing. Theres just so many things i need to think about. I know whatever I do..i'll make it work. But this is BIG. I need to decide whether I am ready for something like this. I don't know if this is like some big cool dream thing or whether realistically i can handle it. Eh ok it's 1:30 and i need to finish packing for going home for spring break. I'll elaborate more later.

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February 13th, 2005

Current Music: none..sleeping roomate. Subject: ohhh livejournal it has been so long. Time: 01:36 am Current Mood: awake

Well it's been about a month and a half since i updated this. Sheer lazyness. I'm back to Pratt..or rather i've been back for almost a month now. Things are going good. My classes are intersting for the most part..but they're already kicking everything up a notch. I'm trying to go out and enjoy myself more this semester..which seems to be working out quite nicely.I've had some fun times with some good friends. Does something intersting things..parties, bars, poetry slams, museums, good restaurants. Exploring what new york has to offer..which is everything. Absolutly love nyc..but thats been said. Anyways. today was one of thos great wonder-around-the-city-shopping-and-eating type of days. Went into the village with cara, britt and munjid to do some shopping. We had all held out for an ENTIRE month so we could splurge on good food (and good drinks..yes bar tabs do seem to rack up quite quickly). So we then wandered around trying to find mcDougal street to go to Cafe reggio for a good hour because after about 5 months here..we still get hopelessly lost. Finally got there after much confusion and britts extreme kamakaze walking/ power walking skills and walking into the cutest pet store i've ever seen for directions. Best cappucinos you will ever have. Then hopped a train to soho for more spending of non existant money. And that was my day. It's 2 am and i am not tired at all. damnit. I sometimes feel homesick then realize i don't miss home at all..just some feeling i associate with it. People need to come visit me. seriously. so ends this enthralling entry. El

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December 21st, 2004

Subject: how am i going to get through this month with my sanity? Time: 05:45 pm Current Mood: aggravated

Manchester, NH sucks the life out of me. I've been home 3 days, and thats enough. I want to leave. I don't know how i am going to get through this month. I have even less independence now than when i was in high school...i don't have a car. I want the subways, i want ny. I want to be able to go where i feel like going when i feel like going. No job. Hardly any plans. I've seen my best friend who was telling me for months how much she missed me all of maybe 3 hours. I'm giving up on making plans with her..she's got to get in touch with me. I'm sick of calling and trying to make plans for her either to have a lame excuse or to cancel. It's always been that way. It was good to see em last night, we seem to almost be closer now that we never see eachother b/c of college. But, she's usually with her unh group and i'm sure i'm prob not too welcome there. Other friends have gotten boring and weird. Fuck. i don't know what I am going to do here.

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December 16th, 2004

Current Music: my roomates watching that britney spears movie. Subject: New York..i love you so. Time: 08:46 pm Current Mood: ecstatic

i am frickin done with finals...and it feels OH SO good! I feel wonderful. And i ended finals on such a wonderful note. After completing my last final ( art history)..which i think i might just have done decently on..me and my friend Bethany celebrated by trecking into the city for an afternoon of well, no plans at all. It had been forever since we had been able to go into the city with no time limit..no stress about work, no needing to get back to work. It was lovely. I think i had the largest smile for the entire 4 hours we were there. We decided to go to Union square..just for the hell of it. There was a holiday flea market outside the subway station..so we wondered around that for a while then spotted a DSW and decided we needed to go. I didn't find anything but bethany got some loafers with cow spots on them. so cool. So..after a stop for coffee we basically just wondered up 14th street. Ended up in the Village. walked some more. up 5th ave. It was beautiful. The city is beautiful this time..there christmas displays and lights and everyone is happy and in a rush. We somehow ended up at Rockafella center completly by accident. It was so cute. We sasw the giant christmas tree..and watch the skater. We ate at Dean and Deluca for dinner. yum. We also discovered that Rockafeller center is not as wholesome as it appears. This revelation was reached after Bethany had a not som pleasent encounter with an asshole of a businessmen. I was so pissed off. They're here on business and they think they can do and say anything the fuck they way. fucking asshole. And we also were invited to participate in "naked ice skating". We were handed hats and told we could "come back at 9 and skate in only the hat and a thong they would provide and skate with bisexual elves". That was intersting. Anyways..so here i am back in my room and i feel so nice and relaxed but now i need to pack. A lot. ah. I am in love with New York. I will miss it so this month.

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December 12th, 2004

Current Music: peace, love and understanding- elvis costello Time: 11:26 am Current Mood: chipper

hello readers. so this ends my last weekend at pratt before i head on home to manchvegas next friday (well with a detour, but i will be home on monday). This weekend has mostly been spent working, or procrastinating work. I've gained quite the time managment skills, so i really don't have that much to do to prepare for finals next week. Don't really feel like writing about work though, i talk about it enough already and to tell the you the truth i am starting to bore even myself. i will miss the city and my pratt friends over the break. hopefully i will take a trip back to NYC to spend some quality time with my bestest friend simonone. I miss her so. So break should be interesting. Friends have changed..people have changed. i have changed. I look forward to spending some quality time with the few i miss sooo much. Baking cookies, walks, and nice dinners with vives..need to hang out with em and mo b/c those two make me laugh like no other and i miss them..plus anyone else that happens to be around. Hopefully some partying thrown in there somewhere. I want to paint over break..maybe even do some designs on my bedroom walls. Get back into shape. Cook pancakes on sunday mornings. Read. RELAX. Day trips maybe ( Boston? Portsmouth?)Must spend time with my sister doing the usual sisterly tortue type things. Hopefully this all will get me through the month. Anyone that read this from home,which is just a select few..leave some kick ass plans k? au revoir. el

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November 30th, 2004

Subject: TWO IN A ROW? whats wrong with me? this is too accurate..i couldn't resist Time: 06:15 pm

people watching is love brought to you by the isLove Generator

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November 21st, 2004

Subject: first LJ quizy thing ever...and probobly the last. Time: 03:03 pm

How to make a wide_open_blues Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 1 part self-sufficiency 5 parts Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge! Username: Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com strangely accurate.

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November 11th, 2004

Current Music: something on tv Time: 09:08 pm Current Mood: drained

well it's been a rough week. and it looks as if another rough week is coming. So over the course of this week i have: 1. woke up at 5..and watched the sunrise over manhatten from the 30th floor of a building on madison ave ( too bad i was in a dentists chair at the time..so it was a bit tainted) 2. had an anxiety attack/ nervous breakdown. i won't get into detail. 3. returned from a wonderful trip to NH. it was so good to see some familiar family and friends. It was so nice seeing my sister and my mom and dad. i am lucky to have such a loving family. Seeing crit and em was great too. I miss them both so much. UNH was fun..i saw numerous chs people who i would either rather not have seen or just was weirded out about seeing even if they didn't know me. eh. it was a blast anyways. 4. decided that for me to possibly get all my work done for next week, that i must basically not stop working the entire weekend except maybe to sleep. today seems to be looking up. I got a B on a midterm i thought i failed. I just got back from the woodshop. I was cutting wood with a bandsaw. I find power tools so scary and they really freak me out b/c i am a klutz and can imagine me chopping off a finger. Somehow i left feeling quite refreshed. I think it's b/c when i was in the woodshop i was forced to stay present and not let my mind drift to other things. I could only think about what i was doing right in that moment, or risk a chopped finger. Think about that... how often can you be completly present, completly focused on the moment. Not often. find somewhere you can do that..it feels great. god this journal is boring. leave a comment if you disagree.

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November 3rd, 2004

Time: 12:36 pm

how could this happen? america is a FUCKING DISGRACE. I am ASHAMED to be an american. he did NOTHING for you these last four years, if anything he has made things worse. so WHY did yo vote for him you stupid ignorant fucks? i cannot imagine my life with bush as the president for the next four years. I don't want to imagine it. In the next four years I am fairly certain that: 1. Roe vs. wade will be reversed. Oh so you think that you should have the right to choose what to do with your body? Oh well tough..go find some shady streetcorner and a wire hanger where you will most likely die from infection b/c THAT is where we are heading if Bush bans abortion. Way to turn the clocks backwards 100 years b/c you are living your life from the fucking bible. separationh of church and state. yep that'll be gone. 2. gay marriage will be illegal. Yeah the bible doesn't like that. and we got rid of church and state so hey it's perectly fine. 3. the war will continue and more americans will die and bush will sit back andnot care. i could go on but the point is bush is going to ruin our county. if you didn't vote or voted bush you are a disgrace.

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November 1st, 2004

Subject: PLEASE. Time: 06:21 pm

I am genuinly terrified for tommarow. it will be tragic for our country if Bush wins and i will cry. not joking. please please vote for kerry. there is really no excuse for either not voting or voting for Bush. yes i am begging. please. p.s this weekend was wonderful and i will write about it later hopefully. complete with pictures!

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October 22nd, 2004

Current Music: iron and wine Time: 12:36 pm Current Mood: discouraged

it used to be that if i worked hard enough at something, the results were usually positive.. But never have i worked so hard in my life and never have i failed so much. i doubt whether i belong here. i feel like a fraud. Don't get me wrong. Pratts great and i love it here. I don't want to be anywhere else. I just doubt whether i can cut it here. I know i have it in me and i know i work hard but, when do i get results? Thats what happens when you work hard right? you get better results? Not the case. 7 hours on a painting and i'm about 1/4 of the way done. And it looks completly wrong. And i am going to be told it is wrong and i am going to re-do it. And i'll do it and re-do it and it will never be right. And in the process i will be analyzed by my teacher on why i have such problems and what it reveals about my inner problems and skills and basically why everything i do is wrong wrong wrong. And i will stand there and agree and then try to fix my wrongs and the cycle will repeat only to end in wrongs yet again. yeah. I'm going to bumble and bumble with my friend brit tommarow so she can get her hair cut for free by a professor for a hair class and i can sign up to do the same. God i love New York and all it's cheapness. back to work now. El

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September 26th, 2004

Current Music: Yer So Bad- Tom Petty Time: 12:42 pm Current Mood: creative

Sunday. Sunday means Tom Petty playing all day( reminds me of when i was younger and my dad would play tom petty every sunday morning and make pancakes..yeah i'm a wee bit sentimental). And work all day. And going out for ethnic food on Myrtle with Cara and Brit ( we've hit Thai and chinese so far. maybe sushi tonight?) Anyways. I just got back from New Jersey where i went to my aunt and uncles for Yom Kippur. I took the subway to my uncles office in SoHo on Friday where i waited 2 hours in his office for him to show up. It was ok though because he has a great view of Soho from his office and i just sat there and drew. Then i went out to the front stoop and waited for him. I sat there sketching the city as the sun went down and people walked by me and it was so new york and it was so invigorating and i realized how much i love the city. It's just everything. excitement, depression, hopeful, hopeless. Everything. So this uncle is pretty successful in the film industry ( documentaries) and as a result has all these sucessful friends in the arts. So there were a lot of super-successful graphic designers at his house for Break- Fast and i knew it would be smart to get all friendly with them. But i couldn't. I was just paralyzed and intimidated by them.I felt like a giant idiot basically.eh. in other news i think i'm completly loosing track of myself. I am so focused and stressed about my work for my classes and it takes up all my time that I am just forgetting about me. Perhaps it's a good thing, because it's not all about me anymore ( not that it ever really was) it's all about my work basically. It's wearing me down thats for sure. Pratts working me harded than i've ever worked in my life.And thats great because i feel good about working hard..but it feels like it's carrying over into my life outside of the work and the classes.It's just taken over my whole world, and theres no seperation. I'm probobly just stressing myself out more than i need to be. damn i'm using this thing to vent now. Sorry. i need somethinhg funny to lighten this up. OK: This makes me smile. p.s. my mom sent me fallen leaves from New Hampshire, pressed between wax paper because i'm missing Fall in NH like crazy. They are hanging above my bed. Enjoy Fall for me NH people.

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September 17th, 2004

Current Music: some Coheed & Cambria song Subject: Oh Pratt. Time: 02:17 pm Current Mood: determined

i've been slacking in the LJ departement..i'll try to update you all now ( all 4 of you) on my new life in NYC. All i can say about the last 3 weeks of class is: fucking intense. The work here is intense and definitly plentiful. I average about 6 hours plus of extra work on each class..which adds up to me basically having no life outside of my work. Everytime i talk to my mom she tells me to go party. I do..it's just a once or twice a week thing. Anyways..this place is a major lesson in time management..and SURPRISE i have discovered i have no time management skills. Must work on that. Anyways..i've met some cool people here, but i still feel like i haven't quite found my "niche". I feel like i sometimes become friends with people who really do not have much in common with me, maybe it's the easy way out. I don't know. The people i have been hagning out with are definitly fun, and some are really good people, but some are not. I have to work on surrounding myself with genuine people. I feel like i'm surrounded with fakeness a lot here. It's difficult to distinguish genuiness- and fakeness here. It's a thin line. Everyone takes themselves and their work and their art very seriously. I almost wish i could be slightly more like that. I need to take myself seriously..and i need to get to a point where I am proud with the art I am producing. Don't get me wrong..i really do like it here. I'm comfortable here... Pratt really has a wonderful energy to it. I love walking across the campus because you see the most amazing this. I'll put it this way: imagine an art school. Ok..thats what pratt is. It's just how you would think an art school would be. I'll walk across campus and see students on the lawn playing every musical instrument, drawing, painting, chain smoking, taking photographs, dressed in outragous clothing. It's great people watching thats for sure. OK..this is getting much too long. Anyways..as much as i don't want to admit it i am in missing NH. Well..more my friends from NH. So if you are reading this ( which i applaud you for if you got to the point)hop the chinatown bus in boston ( 15 bucks round trip!) come to NYC. I promise a really fucking good time. heart. ellie

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September 2nd, 2004

Subject: PICTURES! Time: 09:30 pm

uhhh this is my bed. it's super comfortable. Room 508! ...i mad a flower out of xmas lights. ooooh. the bulletan board. very intersting i'm sure. the bathroom. it's absolutly disgusting already. the view out our window. wooohooo run-down buildings. OK...ONTO THE GOOD STUFF! me and my roomie cara on the subway. Cara= best roomie ever. i <3 her. This is Brit. She's my suitemate. She thought since we were in Brooklyn she should buy a pink doo-rag. Ha. Go on and brush yo shoulders off. This is the subway at 4 am. ADVICE: never take the subway at 4am. fucking sketchy. another word of advice: don't wear pretty shoes in the city. They will only cause you pain like mine and kristens. P.S...thats kristen pulling herslef up some steps in the subways. we had a little too much fun with balloons. This is hanging outside our door. Yes i believe we might be the crazies of the floor. sooo somehow i ended up being dragged on a field trip to White Castle at 2 am with my very high friends. elevator shot! did i mention they were really freaking high? @ White Castle. this is Mike. He burnt his face. way to go mike. Kristen and her colt 45 and a straw. "I lost my straw" hmmmm. hope you enjoyed the pics! There will be more to come i'm sure. classes are kicking my ass as i predicted...but it's all pretty intersting. But Pratt is such a cool place filled with ulta cool people. It's like halloween everyday here. Art students rock. mucho love, ellie

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August 24th, 2004

Current Music: Sondre lerche- maybe you're gone Subject: Oh how i love you NY Time: 11:57 am Current Mood: exhausted

hello devout readers of my LJ! Well I am finally at Pratt and NYC...and it couldn't be better. I arrived here in my dorm on saturday and met my roomie Cara. I was unsure if we would get along or not, but turns out she is really cool and we get along great! I have to say Pratt did a good job pairing us, we're actually very similar. She's really outgoing and a little crazy, and i tend to enjoy hanging out with really outgoing people because it kind of opens me up. Our room feels like home already, besides the grey concrete walls and the prison-esque look of the dorm, it's really great. So i don't start class until next monday, and until then we have the occasional orientation meeting to go to but for the most part it's a free-for-all. Hence, this week will basically be a chance to go wild before classes begin. Apparently bars in Brooklyn are all about pretending that there is no such thing as a drinking age. Which totally rocks for us college kids. I have to say it was quite odd ordering a drink from a bar like it was nothing...but hey it was also mother-fucking cool! Last night me, my roomate Cara, our suitemate Kaye, and Kristen went to this place called "the comedy cellar" in the village. It was crazy. The thing started at 11..and there were about 10 comedians. They were all from comedy central and VH1 and stuff..so they were freaking hilarious. OOOH..the guy from that Dave Matthews video who goes around hugging people was there too. He made fun of us because cara fell of her chair. i almost peed myself.By the time we got out it was about 3. Outside the club we ran into a bunch of the comedians who proceded to try to grope us and pass us off to a group of guys. My friend kristen was attacked by one of them but he was short and fat and she elbowed him in the stomache. I felt like a comedic groupy...but ohh was it funny. So we finally got home around 4 after a super-sketchy ride on the subway...and now i'm here typing after 4 hours of sleep. So i'm off to get some sleeeeeep. pictures will be posted soon. sit tight. Love you all, ellie

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August 16th, 2004

Time: 12:51 pm

so i wrote this incredibly long entry the other day..then i clicked post and VOILA..it was gone forever. so this will be somewhat condensed: 4 days from now i will be in NYC at Pratt. It's crazy, and exciting, and terrifying and unknown all at the same time. I know right now is the hardest part, the anticipation. I've done things like this long enough to know that this is the part that kills me. But it also means that i know once the anticiaption is gone that i will settle into this new routine. I can't wait to meet new people. I can't wait to throw myself whole-heartingly into a project, and loose myself. It probobly sounds completly lame, but i'm totally hoping it will happen. I can't wait for the city either. City living fascinates me, and i feel so lucky that i will be part of that. I want to ride subways, and take walks in parks and walk around the streets aimlessly. It's not as if i want to cut all ties with manch, i have some good friends here. I hope we stay in touch, and i'm going to make an effort to do that. Which brings me to my next point: This livejournal was mostly created to keep tabs on my friends and their new exciting lives next year. So if you care to keep up on mine, or think i should keep up on yours..add me to your friends list! duuuuh. anyways..i figured out this super cool picture thing so here are some of those: me, mariah, and em went to portsmouth on thursday. It was way fun. Seconds after this picture was taken, we witnessed a scene that looked like it was straight out of a Lifetime movie. Mariah got a tattoo in portsmouth! Her tattoo-er was James and he was very hawwwt. He swore a lot and smoked lots of cigarettes and told us a story about how he is scared of Central kids. Mariah is TOUGH. look at that bloody tattoo! well, next post will most likely be from BROOKLYN, Ellie

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August 13th, 2004

Subject: testing Time: 12:32 am

uhhh ch-ch-CHA! salsa sim! BOSTON!

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August 6th, 2004

Current Music: stella star- Jenny Time: 03:42 pm Current Mood: confused

so wendsday night was amazing. With two weeks left here i figured there was no harm in throwing a party of sorts...i didn't take advantage of having the rents being gone the first time, so i had to this time. i hadn't drank or anything in a while b/c i don't do it often, so that was pretty fun.A bunch of people were there, but then left pretty early. By the morn it ended up just sarah, shane, matt, and her two other friends josh and dustin ( i'm pretty sure thats their names). They were all very cool and we had a good time nonetheless. Anyways..since i am quite lazy i'll just list some highlights: * dog humping to prove "manhood". yeah. if my dog was not gay before, he sure as hell is now. haha * oh the nakedness. * uhhh i thought there was more. oh well. it was a blast. on another note. i am completly confused. I always have had such a firm grasp on my emotions and know why i feel the way i do, but for some reason lately i am completly confused by them. It most likely has to do with the fact that i leave an exactly 2 weeks and that is freaking me out to no limits. eh. I better see everyone before i leave or i'll be very dissapointed. until the next time i motivate myself to update this thing, Ellie

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